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Mother’s Day Giveaway

Can’t imagine life without her. Yes

Has loved you even when you grew up and left to explore the world. Yes

Has always been the pillar of support for everyone in the family. Yes

She deserves the best? Right.

Get her the gift of purest love — a diamond. But a diamond that doesn’t require digging up Mother Earth or pumping her with carbon emissions or violates human rights.

Buy #GrownDiamonds  —  the better way to show your love!

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It’s All About Survival

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He’s 2.4 years old and occasionally that ‘sweet agreeable baby’ whom I love to LOVE. But then comes this ‘wilful toddler’ to surface that leaves me wondering if this boi was switched at birth. This screaming “thing” is not mine — or that’s the public expression I wear.

Let me tell you upfront that there are no guidebooks/ blogs out there to help you with YOUR child — just like they say no 2 pregnancies/childbirth are alike. You will stumble through pitfalls of toddlerhood like “should I be using timeouts?”; “what’s the best response when my toddler is flat on his back screaming on the floor at Toys R Us?”; “when he thinks spraying his drink from his mouth is a fun thing!”

Think ‘Survival’, find the nearest Exit and BOLT.

I have locked horns (pointlessly) with the boi. I have tried reasoning with the screaming child (in the most ridiculously sweet motherly tone I could muster) while my ‘logical adult gauge’ shot through the roof of my head. I have tried cajoling him when he insists riding every Lift/Elevator in a mall on a loop. NOTHING WORKS.

What follows, instead is tear-works (that can melt) and makes her want to claw her way back to some cave. It’s no secret to my blog readers or friends, that I’m barely scrapping through this parenthood thing. It’s one heck of a job (not in a good way), metaphorical paybacks and severe mental paranoia at all times.

I figured — on my own — that anger too is a valid emotion, just like happiness. Mommy anger too is a justified thing, after all I have been a logical adult for 30 years (and couple more) before motherhood. Sometimes it feels like my squalling kid is stuck in a screaming vortex long after the issue has been resolved. I often wonder if he even remembers what he’s screaming and carrying on about and that when I try to marshal great patience, stamina, creativity, determination  — and a robust sense of humor to help me get me out mommy anger mode.

I am not sure if this will work for anyone else but … consider it my contributory drop in the ever-growing mommy tear ocean. If you do end up losing your cool, don’t beat yourself up, just try to use better tactics next time. It’s a tough gig, Mommy.

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Everyday is Mother’s Days

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Another Mother’s Day is round the corner and buckets full of marketing fluff is being advocated by retailers, urging us all to “celebrate your mother.” I am sure many many many of us will actually use this ‘one day’ and paint the town red with their mom’s. And really there’s nothing wrong in celebrating good times with people whom you love and who love you back.

What is wrong is commoditising mother’s love and restricting it celebrating it on just ONE day. Don’t insult the woman – who took stitches (in case you were a C-section child) & intense physical trauma to bring you in this world; for years went on with back breaking menial household tasks for which no one appreciated her; or perhaps doubled her workload by getting a job making sure that money was never a limiting factor while you grew up – by taking her out for a dinner or buying a diamond brooch on Mother’s Day. She deserves your time, attention and efforts every day as you live the life she gave you.

Talking about me, I’m now a 16-month old mom and some day my son will be in that ‘Happy Mother’s day’ card-making phase and possibly even whip up some hand made gift for me (goaded by his school or friends). But the lesson that I want him to remember is that I’ll rather take his “please” and “thank you” for all the chores I do in my household, behave & respect his parents every day over a random day of breakfast in bed.

I have never celebrated Mother’s Day by getting gifts for my mom. But I have been with my mom (and dad) when they needed me. I talk to them almost once in 24 hours and whatever geography or time zone we are, it is no deterrent. They know they can call me and I will be besides them, in emergency. Mom knows how I value her advice and how I love going shopping with my parents. Gifts, we buy for each other through the year, but seldom because it’s a Mother’s/Father’s/Daughter’s day, instead always because we like to see good things adorning loved ones.

This Mother’s Day, as I stare at an entire letterbox jammed with catalogues covered in slogans like ‘Make Mum Smile’ and battle to delete never-ending ‘special discounts for you & Mum’ emails, I hope that my son grows up and see’s through this gobbledygook built by brands and celebrate his parents & relationships every day.

 

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Do yourself a favor & make everyone watch this

I usually have no big plans on all these “so-called” relationship celebrating days nor do I indulge in mushy gift exchanging stuff and rarely do I ever mention it on my social pages, but this video was made to be shared. And then to do some wishful thinking. And then to go and tell “that” person what they mean to you.

Do yourself a favour and watch it and share it and then go and hug “that” person a million times.

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How exactly does a sick day look like for mom?

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When mommy is not well, all falls apart. Or at least that’s the case in my household.

I have been trying hard (armed with antibiotics) to get over a crazy throat viral that came along with mild fever and body ache over last 3-4 days. While still a day left to complete my antibiotic-led cleansing schedule, I’m ready to blog about the unfairness of mommydom.

(Yes, Once Again. Those who just rolled their eyes may stop reading at this point. It’s all mommy rant hereon)

In households like mine, where both parents work outside the home, I’m amazed at the unnamed/invisible things that have found their way into my “mommy chores list for weekend.” Result, pleading a sick day just seems like an unthinkable task.

As I lay on the bed on Saturday morning, I realised mundane chores like clipping my kids’ nails, researching on toddler activities nearby, scheduling grocery deliveries & buying-sorting the kids’ clothes-supplies would never get done if I did not move my posterior from bed. I questioned my husband – how exactly did a sick day look like for mom? He hemmed and hawed and in the end just stared at me.

Answer is, just like another mom-is-okay day — where everyone in the family needs to be fed, toddler needs to be put in bathtub and scrubbed, diaper pail needs to be emptied out, laundry heap begged to be sorted out (which daddy conveniently pushed in one corner), and a lot of ‘safe & inventive activities’ had to be devised to keep the toddler happily occupied without requiring 100% of mommy’s attention.

So, why is no smart people wondering aloud if dads are actually taking on their share of the thinking and planning of a balanced family life, and why are they simply executing orders from mom (when threatened with dire circumstances)?

For example, when my sorry achy body that had just finished stuffing the washer & sorting another batch of laundry, I begged my husband to feed the boi some breakfast. I needed my morning tea desperately. What did daddy do? Instead of mixing baby cereal, pulling out the baby chair & feeding him over an animated conversation, my husband opted to feed boi omelette from his plate (while continuing to eat himself) while boi sat on his lap mesmerized by TV. Sigh.

Being under the weather isn’t the ideal time to be picky about what your child is doing for fun. In fact, as long as he was occupied, I was grateful — even if that meant tearing off pages off the picture storybook or watching rhymes on iPad. As long as I could nap/lie down some minutes and boi was safe and contained to the house, I was happy. So was dad, who had brought office work home on weekend.

Renowned sociologist Arlie Hochschild in her book, The Second Shift takes us into the homes of two-career parents to observe what really goes on at the end of the “work day.” No surprises that, it’s the working mother who takes on the second shift. Hochschild finds that men share housework equally with their wives in only 20% of dual-career families. While many women accept this inequity in order to keep peace, they tend to suffer from chronic exhaustion, low sex drive, and more frequent illness as a result.

I have to add here that many things in a toddler(s)-led household don’t need to be done every day. For instance, ordering groceries or supplies doesn’t take that long. Likewise, sorting through outgrown clothes and cleaning out the cupboards only happens a few times a year. But someone has to do it. And more than that, someone has to remember to do it. Dad’s listen up.

However, let me speak for the working mom’s who are trying to juggle all the details of home life (while managing to keep themselves healthy), the seemingly invisible tasks that surround us can feel like a burden on days when we want a little timeout. All of these have a way of piling up in our mommy brains and take up a lot more space than it deserves.

So will the dad’s show a little more compassion and grant mom’s sick leave(s) when needed?