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Gross things I do as a mom


MAD-Magazine-Projectile-Vomit-Baby-Carnival

This is what happened yesterday.

I was playing peek-a-boo with my 15-month old boi last evening. The 3-seconds that I took to shut-open my eyes, my boi located a teddy puff on the floor and promptly popped it in his mouth. Before I realised what he was up to the little piece of cereal had already dissolved in his mouth.

Yes, he ate food off the floor. And I did not raise an alarm or book a visit to the paediatrician.

Before you make up your mind that I’m some sort of dirt-junkie and that my boi is actually being raised by wolves, hear me out. I’m a very clean person (at times obsessive about cleanliness) who does not eat food off the floor. But in parenting, one makes exceptions everyday.

There have been occasions when a piece of food like a chip, or fruit or some chicken nugget will fall on the floor. 99% of the time, I pick it up within milliseconds. Do I eat it? YES, unless it’s visibly filthy or fallen in some sort of gooey mush.

I apply the 5-second rule here. If the food item that I’m about to put in my mouth has been on the floor for longer than 5-seconds then it can probably be discarded. But anything less than that is still edible.

Sounds gross? Then wait. You have seen nothing yet.

Off-putting scenarios are a big part of any parent’s (read mom) job description. Before I had kids, my biggest fear was how will I change diapers. But I soon realised that changing dirty diaper is cakewalk as compared to cleaning say a tiny sinus-infected nose, or wiping off that puke smell from all over yourself or potty training.

Sounds nasty. Eh? I have probably cleaned a dozen pukes till date and still alive to share my adventures. And mind you, cleaning up a kid’s puke sounds grisly only until the first time your kid pukes on you. After that, your main aim is to put your hands out fast enough to catch vomit from getting all over your child & you.

And neither compares to the first time a Mom/Dad has to introduce her child to the wonderful world of anal suppositories (used during high temperature scenarios). Early on in my mommyhood, I realised that if I was not quick enough in changing diapers, there was a 70% chance that the little guy would pee on/at me, instead. Oh, also the best way to tell if the baby’s got a poopy diaper is to just lean over and take a whiff.

Reality check. Being a mother somehow makes everything else seem just a little less gross.

PS: Star, celebrity moms seem to be pretty much as gross as I am. Do read, A collection of pretty gross things they do for their kids

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2 thoughts on “Gross things I do as a mom

  1. Totally agree, no matter how much efforts we make to give them the perfect world, things are bound to fall out of place. It is the most human thing to happen. Somethings are simply out of our control.. 🙂

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