Our own enemy?


Is ‘the mom stuff’ getting in the way of ‘the office stuff’, probed a female office help at the pantry while I waited for the microwave to reheat my lunch. I looked at her, smiled sweetly, took my lunch and walked off. I felt no compulsion to answer her.

She’s not the only one who has been hinting at “You can’t have it all” in not-so-direct way ever since I have returned to work. With my boi safely with his grandparents, doing his daily activities with aplomb, and showing fewer and fewer signs of separation anxiety, why should I double over in guilt? 

It doesn’t matter a whit about gender, age, marital status or if the person who questions your motherhood parenthood has kids or not. Either they get it – or they don’t. There’s little that you can say that will make them question their line of thinking. Frankly, you should not bother with such kind.

And why should you? Forming an opinion after you have seen somebody’s work is fine. Just like we are assessed at work for our capabilities, or how you grade a human being based on his physical/mental characteristics. And when someone decides to stick their heads deep inside their behinds, and comment on your parenting without ever seeing the child you are raising, try not to resort to violence. Remember, you have a lovely child back home who deserves to see you happy & smiling.

That said, women judging other women’s birth choices, baby milk feeds, kind of pain relief they choose for their children or the kind of school is beyond me. Breast-feeders sneer smugly at the bottle-feeders. Working mother-in-laws don’t think twice when suggesting their daughter-in-laws to stay back home and raise the grandchild. Friends with older kids will sagely shake their heads when you break the news of returning to work leaving your young child in care of grandparents or other care takers. The list is just endless.

I did ask a few friends who have chosen to work after having babies and it became clearer that the worst perpetrators of ‘judging a mom’ are not men but women who can render the harshest blows with a glint of evil satisfaction in their eye.

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3 thoughts on “Our own enemy?

  1. This is so true. Did you ever notice that no man would ever as you that question, let alone another man? Interesting isn’t it that we are the ones judged for “trying to have it all” or not staying at home when men have kids it leaves their work life relatively unscathed. It’s tough sometimes too being judged by colleagues who have no kids because you can’t stay late on the fly or came to a meeting unprepared because the kids got into your files and made a mess right before work, but, sadly, it’s not changing anytime soon. best wishes.

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