Happy Motherhood Anniversary to me. I am now a year old mom, not counting the days when I experienced a zen-like mother-ness as bub grew inside me.
My year as a mother has been full of ups and downs. But even today I cannot define motherhood. And frankly no one can present their reality of motherhood in words, because motherhood defies tidy characterization.
My motherhood began when I shoved my designer wear, fancy accessories and branded heels in some dark corner and moved to wearing loose fitting kaftans, maternity trousers, later resorting to even picking up ill-fitted t-shirts from men’s section. Yeah! Most of the make-up was forfeited out of sheer frustration. Once the baby arrived, I was told by well-wishers that things will fall back in place. But they didn’t. All of this year as a mother, I didn’t really get much alone time, or time for personal hobbies. I am writing this post wearing elastic-waist sweat pants that have dried up spinach soup stains. My heels are still somewhere, fancy bags and jewelry remains stashed away and I am still not the waist size I would feel confident about. In fact, today I will in all probability forgo makeup and gym in favor of some sunscreen & taking my boi to the amusement park.
Yet, I have to reckon that I’m in a good place. I have thought hard and honestly if I wasn’t a mother today there would be something lacking in my life and that would have made me a very sad, depressing person.
There are no more spontaneous weekend getaways or foreign travels with my spouse, no more sleeping in on weekends, no more lots of things I previously loved. Making peace with my current (sleep-deprived) circumstances and move ahead in life is the only option for me. Some might look at me and say I have lost myself to motherhood, but I can’t help but feel that I have found a new me. Mentally fatigued and physically beat, there are days when I can do anything for 30-minutes of alone time or some free minutes to pee or shampoo my hair in peace. Life looks good when you bump in to some ‘mama’ friends who are happy to share their load and take some off your head. It’s exhilarating for me.
It is my boi, who makes it possible for me to bitch tirelessly about motherhood while still feeling, deeply (to the very tips of my toe nails) that I can wade my way through motherhood. Happy 1st Birthday, my boi.