What comes first ? Kids or house….

Two years of being married, and it becomes a subject of intense discussion as to why we don’t have children and a house yet. And at times its can be just plain embarrassing to have your parents (and in-laws) discuss your married life and potential reasons of not having grandchildren.

Second subject (of owning a house), is usually played up when folks from girl’s side (rather my side) want to make a point to their son-in-law (hubby’s side) about not being able to put together an abode (for their daughter).

So the thread of conversation during phone calls to respective parents goes something like this.

Me talking to my in-laws

M-I-L: (after some usual ‘how are you’ talks) You know certain so-and-so is having a baby and she got married just about when you guys got married.

Me: Yeah. Really. Nice nice…She’s a housewife, right? And didn’t the husband move to Bareilly after marriage. (Trying to make a point)

M-I-L: (reticent) Yes. Yes. But see now she can be free from duties by the time she is 34 years. And maybe she can take up the job of a teacher, which she pursued before marriage.

Me: Guess, that’s good planning I would say. But not applicable to all.

and so the conversation moves with both sides trying to score

On the other hand, a conversation between my husband and my dad goes like this:

Dad: I heard the rates in New Mumbai too are moving up.

Hubby: Yeah. That’s some spurt we are seeing here. Everyone is out to buy a house even when they possibly undertake heavy debt.

Dad: But that’s how houses are built. You cant avoid debt, as salaried professional can never possibly save up easily and then you have a family (slight reference to me and non-existent kids)

Hubby: Hmm…yes, I will think about it although I am not okay with a big debt on my head. What if job market loses its shine?

Dad: You have to take risks in life, son. Buy a house then you can think of a family too.


On a sensible note, I know none of their concerns are misplaced. They are probably right in their opinions (gentle reminders) but since life is so unplanned, each of the milestones (house, kids, etc etc) happen when you are least expecting it. I believe that.


3 thoughts on “What comes first ? Kids or house….

  1. hey!! don't take parents from any side wrong.. i am still single but can very well understand wat u ppl r gng thru..
    Look as far as house is concerned pls dont take it otherwise but u r a journalist wid a market leader daily and hubby an i-banker, pls think once over amount spend on rent it will easily fetch u own house on EMIs. Currently its two of you, 1bhk will do.. After few yrs sell that off adn go for a bigger one. Pls dont get me pointing out a plan to u, i very well aware tht i am talking to frnd of mine who is born intelligent aise hi u didn't top in schools.
    and as far as kid is concerned its just two of u decide that at wat point of time u want: bcoz ofcourse only thing i guess both of you mite be thinking is to give the lil one the best in life just as parents have given us..
    but just remember do not make everything very much planned and to occur very systematically just as science lab. no 1 can predict life so perfectly..

  2. I agree with Prats. Finally it's for the couple to take such decisions. I understand that this can become very uncomfortable sometimes.

    But I also understand your parents' concern about wanting you to have financial security one gets from buying a house.

  3. Very thoughtful post, I agree with it.. Both the decisions should be taken when both the partners are comfortable with it, the elders are welcomed for advices and suggestions but the implementation should lie with the people.

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