If you are a sucker (like me) for late night TV, enjoy classic movies, listen to love songs, or read romantic novels, then you may have an image of marriage that never, ever was. And I discovered this after 2 whole years of being married.
MYTH No 1:
I had always heard married women — just a little older than myself talking how — how babies really bring the couples closer.
And I wondered , really? Now that I am married and have some experience, I can rubbish this one. I mean babies (I am talking after seeing 4 such examples) can probably make you more sympathetic towards other one’s condition and on rare occasions there’s a cute moment. But really guy, babies cannot be your bonding glue.
Either you have that connection with your partner or simply not. I have seen friends struggle so hard with the changes in their body and keep their emotions in check after they have had babies. Women are exhausted (so are the poor fathers) and couples are constantly being questioned whether they are doing it right (by unruly relatives). Usually the woman feels she is doing way more than her share and is very resentful and disappointed in her partner, but most of it initially is hormones. A woman’s body just goes nuts and it BOTHERS her (guys listen).
MYTH No 2
Romance will always be alive in a good marriage. Yes, how cool would this be? It was in past that the father was the breadwinner and the mother made the bread. So mother probably had time, patience and energy to think of many innovative ways to keep the partner happy. Think gorgeous amounts of food, house decorations and …
Fact is that all relationships experience peaks and valleys — and if you have office stress clouding upon both partners then better be more realistic. Even the tiniest problems and challenges of life, work and grocery (!) can ruin romantic feelings.
MYTH No 3
Your spouse should be your best friend, and believe me this statement was parroted by every woman and man I knew before marriage. But why should my husband be my best friend? What’s wrong in him being just a good husband?
Women (and men too) like to impose that all married men and women need to be best friends to make a marriage successful. Really, but why?
Probably, over the years you would develop an amazing friendship with the person you are married to. But it doesn’t necessarily start off that way, not in Indian arranged marriage. So what’s the point trying to expect something that is not applicable to your situation. I am not my husband’s best friend and vice-versa but that does not mean I am having a bad marriage or have ruined my life. We talk, as friends would but that’s the end of it.
And you may not tell your spouse everything, but it doesn’t mean you are not close.
MYTH No 4
This one’s hilarious, and I have fallen into this trap more than I am proud of. The idea of romance, as we understand from movies is that ‘my spouse should know my needs without my saying anything.’ HA!
I have had my fights over this one and that’s why I can say with true wisdom that just because you’re married doesn’t mean you can read minds. You have to tell your spouses what your needs are — like I do on every birthday, anniversary and on every occasion when I need some gift/pampering from my husband. It works, just fine.
MYTH No 5
If you like getting compliments then learn to give them back too. I have learnt it (and still learning) — Don’t take your spouse for granted. I try hard to remove myself from seeing the dirty smelly T-shirts, socks and shoes, unkempt toiletries, the weight gain among many many many other things. Sometimes it’s hard to focus on what’s positive but I kick myself every time I forget what a great person I married.
Nobody wants to be taken for granted — everyone wants to be appreciated.
PS: There are many more myths, but these were my top picks. Would love to hear what’s your.