Don’t believe these myths about marriage

If you are a sucker (like me) for late night TV, enjoy classic movies, listen to love songs, or read romantic novels, then you may have an image of marriage that never, ever was. And I discovered this after 2 whole years of being married.

MYTH No 1:
I had always heard married women — just a little older than myself talking how — how babies really bring the couples closer.

And I wondered , really? Now that I am married and have some experience, I can rubbish this one. I mean babies (I am talking after seeing 4 such examples) can probably make you more sympathetic towards other one’s condition and on rare occasions there’s a cute moment. But really guy, babies cannot be your bonding glue.

Either you have that connection with your partner or simply not. I have seen friends struggle so hard with the changes in their body and keep their emotions in check after they have had babies. Women are exhausted (so are the poor fathers) and couples are constantly being questioned whether they are doing it right (by unruly relatives). Usually the woman feels she is doing way more than her share and is very resentful and disappointed in her partner, but most of it initially is hormones. A woman’s body just goes nuts and it BOTHERS her (guys listen).

Romance will always be alive in a good marriage. Yes, how cool would this be? It was in past that the father was the breadwinner and the mother made the bread. So mother probably had time, patience and energy to think of many innovative ways to keep the partner happy. Think gorgeous amounts of food, house decorations and …

Fact is that all relationships experience peaks and valleys — and if you have office stress clouding upon both partners then better be more realistic. Even the tiniest problems and challenges of life, work and grocery (!) can ruin romantic feelings.

Your spouse should be your best friend, and believe me this statement was parroted by every woman and man I knew before marriage. But why should my husband be my best friend? What’s wrong in him being just a good husband?

Women (and men too) like to impose that all married men and women need to be best friends to make a marriage successful. Really, but why?

Probably, over the years you would develop an amazing friendship with the person you are married to. But it doesn’t necessarily start off that way, not in Indian arranged marriage. So what’s the point trying to expect something that is not applicable to your situation. I am not my husband’s best friend and vice-versa but that does not mean I am having a bad marriage or have ruined my life. We talk, as friends would but that’s the end of it.

And you may not tell your spouse everything, but it doesn’t mean you are not close.

This one’s hilarious, and I have fallen into this trap more than I am proud of. The idea of romance, as we understand from movies is that ‘my spouse should know my needs without my saying anything.’ HA!

I have had my fights over this one and that’s why I can say with true wisdom that just because you’re married doesn’t mean you can read minds. You have to tell your spouses what your needs are — like I do on every birthday, anniversary and on every occasion when I need some gift/pampering from my husband. It works, just fine.

If you like getting compliments then learn to give them back too. I have learnt it (and still learning) — Don’t take your spouse for granted. I try hard to remove myself from seeing the dirty smelly T-shirts, socks and shoes, unkempt toiletries, the weight gain among many many many other things. Sometimes it’s hard to focus on what’s positive but I kick myself every time I forget what a great person I married.

Nobody wants to be taken for granted — everyone wants to be appreciated.

PS: There are many more myths, but these were my top picks. Would love to hear what’s your.


8 thoughts on “Don’t believe these myths about marriage

  1. I agree with each one of these. And then couples must do everything together. They should have same friends and should go everywhere together – they should not be able to have fun if one of them is away – if this doesn't apply to a couple they are not compatible 🙂

  2. Hey Priyanka,

    I just came browsing to your blog from Indiblogger…

    A very nice post written based on your experience…I am in the same boat as you (completed 2 years in my marriage!!) are and can completely identify what you have written …Except for Myth # 1, i completely agree to your points..For Myth # 1, I haven't had any experience, so can't really agree there…

    My blog pretty much about same theme.. Check out

    Take care..

  3. And how about those time when you find someone who is temptingly beautiful and stunning …. ? How long do you think it must have taken Abhishek bachan to get over Aishwaraya's beauty?? 😛

  4. I am happy for your first kid. CONGRATS. And never said that every one should agree to my points. I am making a case after hearing to too too many rants from my friends and I thought that was not true in my case. So debunked the ones that did not hold true in my marriage.

    This ain't a judgment piece on how marriages are supposed to be!

  5. As noble as your intentions are I, I dont agree with you on most of these counts. Take myth 1 for instance, my wife and i are expecting our first baby, and yes the hormones and fatigue are taking a toll on her, but it has made me more sensitive to her needs, it has bought the 2 of us together cos we love to have endless discussions about names and worrying about crazy things. It has nothing to do with the quality of the connection we shared before this. I would love to take up each one individually but that would make this a terribly long comment.

    I wouldn't want to be judgmental or anything but I suppose your issues have clouded your judgement. You have got a few valid arguments in there but just very few and that too are presenting quite an extreme picture. An interesting post but it does reveal a lot that maybe you did not want to?

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