To be social…or not


Off late, I have noticed that single women (and I mean, mostly women) expect a married women to behave in a certain way. For instance, I have a sweet little (she’s a young thing at work) friend cum colleague, who jumps to my defence every time she finds any male counterpart even remotely flirting or indicating something akin.

“You know na…her hubby will come and bash you,” she said rising to my defence and making her point to the men around. As if the i-banker hubby (roll my eyes) would draw on his superman’s cape to save his beloved! (snigger)

Now, I know her intentions are pretty sweet, and I am flattered but then this also makes me think if married women are to be sanctified in a certain role. Its like – now that you have a partner back home, your life (read focus, concentration and of course all affection whatsoever) is assumed to be around the same. Noticeably, this trend has been more visible on my female friends than male.

So, is move to wedded bliss looked as a sweep to brush unwed friends under the rug? I think that’s both hilarious and preposterous. Within a year and 3 months of my marriage, I have become more social and more reachable for my friends (read single friends), leading me to the conclusion that marriage does not reduce a couple’s ties to the larger community but actually helps in increasing it.

As married couple we have been socializing more often (than ever before in our respective pasts). The reason, speaking for me that is, once married I have become much more secure about my feelings and trust. This in turn clears your head and makes you more sociable. The fact that I and my hubby HAPPILY attend parties and similar social gatherings alone with our own set of friends (as there’s no point dragging spouses along when they probably won’t fit in the gathering) makes others wonder if we have gone mad already, or even bored perhaps.

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6 thoughts on “To be social…or not

  1. We at abppatropatri.com know that Marriages are one thing apart,It got do more with space and the frequency and like mindedness of the person whom you are sharing with and see that he opines with your frequency too.Expectation fulfillment should not be the ends and means, It should be about mutual understanding, trust and respect for the other person.

    Thanks on such a psychological article.

  2. What precisely i was trying to say was,feelings don’t die.Specific feelings arises,but they take shape and form depending upon our own personal condition.
    That means,whether we are in relationship with someone or not,at times we can find ourselves in a situation of strong feeling arising for someone else,but we would subside it ,or rather give it some other form..

  3. Hmm. Interesting point Gaurav, but what I wanted to highlight was that post-marriage(speaking strictly for myself) I am more capable in distinguishing between feelings that I feel – whether its attraction or love for example.

    Since, I am comfortably married and my feelings are well-rooted with respect and mutual understandings with my partner, there’s barely a space for feelings that could create mistrust. Hence, feelings don’t die they just take a different tag or form

  4. you said,”once married I have become much more secure about my feelings and trust”. Does that mean,you do get feelings,but you are able to give them comfortable names,as you are married..?

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