You don’t look like that…


I had an arranged marriage and am proud say that it’s not ‘uncool’. I often hear my friends or people who know me remarking that I don’t look the types to get into an arranged marriage.

Just other day, an old college friend who bumped into my Facebook profile sent a private message wondering aloud how and why did I opt for an arranged marriage. She wrote and I am quoting her verbatim: “Are you serious? … you got yourself a boy who carried a stamped approval from your parents…..you didn’t seem to be the types to give in so easily. Is all well?”

I almost sensed her accusation through this note.

Now, I wonder if that was really the impression I sent out to my friends. I wasn’t the arranged marriage types! (Huh!) And why is that as youngsters we do not want to be caught dead promoting the concept of parents/family approving a guy beforehand. It’s not all that bad, and I can say that from my own experience.
In fact, now my husband and I are sort of marriage counselors to our young bachelor friends who are in two minds about the fundamentals of ‘arranged marriage.’

“How do you figure out in one meeting that this girl (or guy) is for me,” wondered a bachelor friend of my hubby. Looking at me, and I could almost anticipate his next line of question, “Did you see him (pointing to my husband) and something went abuzz in your mind?”

Uh…well, it was nothing similar to that, I replied. I met my i-banker hubby at a 5-star hotel’s coffee shop and had trouble even focusing on him since the live music band was so fantastic. I actually wanted to tell him to shut-up and let me listen to the classic jazz band, but of course I didn’t do anything like that.
And no, I didn’t have to answer any of the cliched questions like “my favourite hobbies” and “do I cook” as it didn’t figure on our priority lists. We instead discussed our individual careers and how we wanted to reach at our goals. The bachelor friend was surprised and probably even disappointed that we weren’t fitting the average ‘arranged marriage’ couple bill.

“Oh, so you guys didn’t really ask each other too many questions.” He rued. Now this friend was in middle of scanning matrimony proposals that his parents kept sending his way.

My single lined advice for him was – “Don’t fret so much before you meet a prospective girl. Just ask what you think you want to know about her work or her life. If you do strike a chord then you won’t have to whack your head to think of questions, conversation will flow between you guys.”
We did that, and guess it worked.

Although, I don’t have any qualms in admitting the fact that my husband is someone who thinks diametrically opposite (to me) and doesn’t really believe in pampering my whims but he’s a dead practical, i-banker who explains realities to me in banking concepts. Somewhere, I have to admit that this is what I need to keep me grounded in life. But then again, I can do with a little bit of pampering and time-to-time cuddling!

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6 thoughts on “You don’t look like that…

  1. It depends..we can’t say that anyone of that will work always but yes..arranged marriages have been there for centuries so we can say it is definitely not a bad decision.
    Now in arranged marriages the search parameters are so many that a person will have to compromise on many terms and finally there is no guarantee on the success also. The search parameters are like caste,property,family history,salary,looks. your case may be an exception but I dont think it would the case with everyone.

  2. Pallavi: Gimme a high five! I know there are a lot of people who would agree with me but there is this young breed of out-of-college kids (which we have in our offices) who made me wallow for a while but I eventually realised that I was right

  3. Hi Priyanka, its very difficult to get the ntion of ‘ arranged marriage is uncool’ out of many minds and hearts which are still bachelor. But , I truly agree with you- Arranged marriage is absolutely cool and in. You get to discover him everyday, you love him for every small act, its lot more fun. As my banker hubby puts in- Be in the system to love the system.Pallavi

  4. Life’s…: I guess we portray our mind wrong, so land up with a tag like that!Tina: Great…I am happy to lend you a hand in achieving matrimonial bliss

  5. Hey.. thanks.. your post has come right at the time when i was looking for a similar advice.. thanks .. unintentionally but u have helped me a bit..

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