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The Wisdom Of Ancient Indian Parenting Tips

These are some beautiful parenting tips and I loved the way a man born so many years ago has written with such an open mind.

I have no knowledge about Tamil literature. A few days ago a brilliant doctor mom of two, an ardent reader and an enthusiastic follower of my blog forwarded this piece of Tamil writing (now available in English paperback) to me.These are some beautiful tips on parenting and I loved the way a man born so many years ago has written with such an open mind. It would be utterly unfair to not share such profoundness.

Tirukkural  by Tiruvalluvar ( a Tamil  poet/writer) was written more than 5000 years ago. His contribution to Tamil literature is paramount. Today, it stands as one of those ancient works that has its tenants based on the ancient science of Human behaviour. Years later today these seem true and remain  unchanged inspite of modern education and technology!

Hoping we all would benefit from these which are not ‘re-defined’!

SOME GOLDEN THOUGHTS OF THIRUKKURAL

Parenting Tip 1.
If your child lies to you often, it is because you over-react or react too harshly to his inappropriate behaviour.

Parenting Tip 2.
If your child is not taught to confide in you about his mistakes, you’ve lost him.

Parenting Tip 3.
If your child had poor self-esteem, it is because you advice him more than you encourage him.

Parenting Tip 4.
If your child does not stand up for himself it is because from a young age you have disciplined him regularly in public.

Parenting Tip 5.
If your child takes things that do not belong to him, it is because when you buy him things, you don’t let him chose what he wants.

Parenting Tip 6.
If your child is cowardly, it is because you help him too quickly.

Parenting Tip 7.
If your child does not respect other people’s feelings, it is because instead of speaking to your child, you order and command him.

Parenting Tip 8.
If your child is too quick to anger, it is because you give too much attention to misbehaviour and you give little attention to good behaviour.

Parenting Tip 9.
If your child is excessively jealous, it is because you only congratulate him when he successfully completes something and not when he improves at something even if he doesn’t successfully complete it.

Parenting Tip 10.
If your child intentionally disturbs you, it is because you are not physically affectionate enough.

Parenting Tip 11.
If your child is openly defiant, it is because you openly threaten to do something but don’t follow through.

Parenting Tip 12.
If your child is secretive, it is because he doesn’t trust that you won’t blow things out of proportion.

Parenting Tip 13.
If your child talks back to you, it is because they watch you do it to others and think its normal behaviour.

Parenting Tip 14.
If your child doesn’t listen to you but listens to others, it is because you are too quick to jump to conclusions.

Parenting Tip 15.
If your child rebels it is because he knows  you care more about what others think than what is right.

 Last words for parents:  Parenting isn’t a practice. It is a daily learning experience.

 

Source: The Wisdom Of Ancient Indian Parenting Tips – Mother-O-Pedia

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For all you working moms — Good Job ladies!

Bring out the tissues… And watch this video created by software company Cybozu. (Source Credit: A Sick Child Refuses To Walk In The Rain. What Mom Does? I’m Crying)

In the touching short film below, we meet a dedicated, hardworking mom who doesn’t get the amount of support she needs or deserves from her spouse or co-workers. The mom below has a busy career, a husband, and she not only must take care of the home, but also raise their child. On this hectic work day, her young son has come down with a fever and she must pull him out of daycare. Between home life and her full-time job, Mom’s days are jam-packed, exhausting, and frustrating. In the end, it seems like it’s all becoming too much for this one mother to bear — that is, until her sick son asks her one simple yet powerful question: “Mommy, are you okay?”

It rings all the bells in my mommy head.

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Is This The Best Explanation On How Motherhood Changes Everything

Do you know how life changes when a young couple decides to become young parents?

Do they think it boils down to adding more commitments and costs?

Or do you already know about the emotional toll and everything it entails? Here’s a story that elucidates it all.

SOURCE: Mom Gives Best Explanation Ever How Life Changes After Pregnancy. This Is Perfect.Heartwarming.

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Finding ‘Inner Piece’

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Each morning when I leave for work, clutching my boi who is to be dropped to playschool — I make sure that have a good look (almost appreciative) at my living room, clean wooden floors and empty table tops. “Your space is clean, Momma,” I tell myself as I exit.

Every evening, when I turn the key on my door, I know what will greet me — visibly tired looking grandparents lounging on the sofa, sipping their evening tea, a-fresh-from-nap-and-thus-a-very-active toddler who has strewn his blocks (all shapes and sizes), books and some wooden alphabets all across the living room. I can barely see the floor somedays. I get the creeps. As I scoop my boi up and do my routine kissy-huggy, all that my eyes capture and transmit to brain is ‘this cleanup will be a killer.

So each night, before I tuck myself and boi in bed, sorting the wooden blocks, magnetic ones, odd pages of boi’s favorite picture books, scooping missing pieces from under the sofa/TV cabinet have now become part of my daily ritual. I can’t go to bed when my living room or boi’s room is not organised to it’s original state. In fact, if I had my way then I would eliminate all these darned blocks from my home but sadly, they are an integral part of growing up (and a steady route to turn mommy into a mumbling hag). Arts & crafts, and construction/building play  — I’m told — are ways for children to express their creativity, encourages focus and concentration, and develops fine motor skills and eye-hand coordination. It is said to allow children feel proud of themselves and gain a sense of mastery after they have created something. Perhaps flinging the blocks too has some deep psychological impact — only positive I hope.

Call me crazy but everytime I see my child throwing his stuff around, I fast forward the scene to envision an adult version of my child living with his partner, and throwing his stuff about with no regards about cleaning it up. It is cringeworthy. I want to raise a happy thoughtful boi who will grow into caring and considerate man.

“If a child is old enough to get out a toy to play, she/he is old enough to put it away.”

Now this sounds logical on paper but believe me it doesn’t always work. I have tried singing songs to have my boi join me in cleaning up, tried to cajole him with “fun stuff we would do” post-cleanup, and even tried scolding. It does not work. Finding those inner pieces sitting under the sofa or cupboards is going to be my nemesis.

UPDATE: I ordered big covered stowaway bins from Groupon and they have arrived! I am taking the easier way out, hereon. Stashing the toys in one bin, favourite books in another and current favourite blocks in third one. Boi will be given one bin at a time, without overwhelming him with too many things to play at once while encouraging his creative play.

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As parenthood becomes religion, marriages nosedive

How American parenting is killing the American marriage - Quartz

I have been saying this (directly/indirectly) in every single blog post of mine — we take parenting way too seriously. It is not good for average couple with average urban lives and barely-there marriages.

Quartz, a very savvy online news journal, wrote a very sensible essay on how parenting was affecting American marriages. But this not just an American phenomenon. It is global.

…sign of the parenthood religion is that it has become totally unacceptable in our culture to say anything bad about our children, let alone admit that we don’t like them all of the time. The origins of the parenthood religion are obscure, but one of its first manifestations may have been the “baby on board” placards that became popular in the mid-1980s. Nobody would have placed such a sign on a car if it were not already understood by society that the life of a human achieves its peak value at birth and declines thereafter. A toddler is almost as precious as a baby, but a teenager less so, and by the time that baby turns fifty, it seems that nobody cares much anymore if someone crashes into her car. You don’t see a lot of vehicles with placards that read, “Middle-aged accountant on board.”

Think about this statement. I’m surrounded by parents, to-be parents, just married couples on my social media pages. Yet, it is the ones with kids who almost never post anything about themselves or their partners. It’s always about kids’ achievements, their medals, their schools etc etc. Honestly, I too occasionally slip into this ‘parenting’ abyss myself.

I do get asked, “How can you write a rant blog about your boy? He’s so likeable and boys are naughty after all.” So, li’l girls are not naughty? Mommy doesn’t have the right to talk about real facts of motherhood? Or about the bad days when she wants to discipline her child for smacking another kid in the mall or worse biting another class fella?

We are allowed to say bad things about our spouses, our parents, our aunts and uncles, but try saying, “My kid doesn’t have a lot of friends because she’s not a super likable person,” and see how fast you get dropped from the PTA.

It is exactly this ‘i-will-boycott-you-socially-if-you-publicly-scream-at-your-kid’ attitude that makes us shudder and shove away all the bad mother days somewhere deep within us — including those when you have disciplined your child by not giving in to his/her tears after they commit a mischief that is not easy to overlook.

Children who are raised to believe that they are the center of the universe have a tough time when their special status erodes as they approach adulthood. Most troubling of all, couples who live entirely child-centric lives can lose touch with one another to the point where they have nothing left to say to one another when the kids leave home.

Dear Husband, where art thou.

Original Story Source: Quartz India

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Mother’s Day Giveaway

Can’t imagine life without her. Yes

Has loved you even when you grew up and left to explore the world. Yes

Has always been the pillar of support for everyone in the family. Yes

She deserves the best? Right.

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It’s All About Survival

whisper-to-kids-comic1

He’s 2.4 years old and occasionally that ‘sweet agreeable baby’ whom I love to LOVE. But then comes this ‘wilful toddler’ to surface that leaves me wondering if this boi was switched at birth. This screaming “thing” is not mine — or that’s the public expression I wear.

Let me tell you upfront that there are no guidebooks/ blogs out there to help you with YOUR child — just like they say no 2 pregnancies/childbirth are alike. You will stumble through pitfalls of toddlerhood like “should I be using timeouts?”; “what’s the best response when my toddler is flat on his back screaming on the floor at Toys R Us?”; “when he thinks spraying his drink from his mouth is a fun thing!”

Think ‘Survival’, find the nearest Exit and BOLT.

I have locked horns (pointlessly) with the boi. I have tried reasoning with the screaming child (in the most ridiculously sweet motherly tone I could muster) while my ‘logical adult gauge’ shot through the roof of my head. I have tried cajoling him when he insists riding every Lift/Elevator in a mall on a loop. NOTHING WORKS.

What follows, instead is tear-works (that can melt) and makes her want to claw her way back to some cave. It’s no secret to my blog readers or friends, that I’m barely scrapping through this parenthood thing. It’s one heck of a job (not in a good way), metaphorical paybacks and severe mental paranoia at all times.

I figured — on my own — that anger too is a valid emotion, just like happiness. Mommy anger too is a justified thing, after all I have been a logical adult for 30 years (and couple more) before motherhood. Sometimes it feels like my squalling kid is stuck in a screaming vortex long after the issue has been resolved. I often wonder if he even remembers what he’s screaming and carrying on about and that when I try to marshal great patience, stamina, creativity, determination  — and a robust sense of humor to help me get me out mommy anger mode.

I am not sure if this will work for anyone else but … consider it my contributory drop in the ever-growing mommy tear ocean. If you do end up losing your cool, don’t beat yourself up, just try to use better tactics next time. It’s a tough gig, Mommy.